December 13, 2007 - Joseph Mallozzi's Weblog

THIS BLOG HELD HOSTAGE – DAY 3

Months ago, MGM offered to host this blog and, after careful consideration, I respectfully declined only because I didn’t necessarily want this to be an all Stargate all the time blog. Granted, more than a few of you do by now and then to delight in the behind-the-scenes pics of Joe Flanigan eating lunch and David Hewlett changing his socks, or to find out how that oft-mentioned musical episode is coming along, but this blog has always been more than that. It’s been chocolate and books and dogs and me complaining endlessly about everything from chilly airplane cabins to kiwis. I felt confident that staying with blogger would allow me the freedom to continue blogging about whatever and whenever (with the notable exceptions of rodeo clowns, the Rambo movies, and Halliburton anytime between the hours of 2:00 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. on the last weeks of February, March, and August). Alas, I was sorely mistaken.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m all for rules. In my opinion, nothing typifies an advanced society like the need to tell its citizens what to do. Back in elementary school, I was voted Most Likely to Follow the Rules (also, for what it’s worth, Least Likely to Learn How to Juggle). Still, the whole point of having rules is to punish those who break them and reward those who follow them – or, at the very least, don’t punish those who follow them. Which brings me to me, and my present situation: inactive and blogless until a time when the folks at blogger clear me of any wrongdoing. Which begs the questions: What have I done? and Will I be cleared? Well, let’s refer to the blogger terms of services and find out:

“Pornography and Obscenity: Image and video content that contains nudity, sexually graphic material, or material that is otherwise deemed explicit by Google should be made private. Otherwise, we may put such content behind an interstitial.”Was someone offended by that photo of the chocolate dessert with the raspberry coulis? (I know I was.) Was the shirt Cliff Simon wore when he dropped by the studio for his Continuum fitting too decollete for some? Are there readers who objected to the use of the terms “lollygag”, “tender meatballs”, or “hazzencockle”? If so, my apologies, but it’s evidently not against the rules.“HATEFUL CONTENT: Users may not publish material that promotes hate toward groups based on race or ethnic origin, religion, disability, gender, age, veteran status, and sexual orientation/gender identity.”Hmmm. How about groups given to jerkidity and boneheadedness? No? Moving on.

 

“VIOLENT CONTENT: Users may not publish direct threats of violence against any person or group of people.”Granted, that video of Lulu and Bubba doing their best imitation of pint-sized sumos doing battle was certainly exhilarating – but violent? Nah.“COPYRIGHT: It is our policy to respond to clear notices of alleged copyright infringement.”I haven’t heard from either Lulu or Bubba’s lawyers, so I think we’re good here too.“PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION: We do not allow the unauthorized publishing of people’s private and confidential information, such as credit card numbers, Social Security Numbers, and driver’s and other license numbers.”Aside from the occasionally in-depth account of Baron Destructo’s plans for world domination, not much in the way of sensitive data being released on my blog. Oh, unless you count that time I released Cookie Monster’s private email.

 

“IMPERSONATION: We do not allow impersonation of others through our services in a manner that is intended to or does mislead or confuse others.”Nope, no impersonations either. I’m me and several of my close friends will vouch for my identity, among them: Aloysius P. Hazzencockle, Percival H. Lintmuffin, Margaret Quibble, Agent Wexler, Cookie Monster, and Baron Destructo and the entire League of Aliens and Mutants for Evil.

“UNLAWFUL USE OF SERVICES: Our products and services should not be used for unlawful purposes or for promotion of dangerous and illegal activities. Your account may be terminated and you may be reported to the appropriate authorities.”True, I had originally intended to call this blog: Thoughts and Tirades, Rants and Ruminations, Pirated Cable and Black Market Bear Gall Bladders For Sale… BUT DIDN’T!

 

“SPAM, MALICIOUS CODES AND VIRUSES: We do not allow spamming or transmitting malware and viruses.”Malicious code is admittedly out of my depth and unless you’ve caught my cold, that’s the extent to which I could be transmitting any viruses. As for spam – well, as longtime readers know, I’m not only an active spam buster but have turned down offers to shill various products on my blog. Despite the many attractive money offers received, I’ve remained firm on this issue – as firm as…SMEVEK’S ULTRA-MINT GUM! The gum that stays firm – even after repeated chewings!Nope, that can’t be it either. BUT, according to the blogger folks (who will heretofore be referred to as “the blokes” or, conversely, “the floggers”), spamming is the issue here. “Blogger’s spam-prevention robots have detected that your blog has characteristics of a spam blog,”they say. Characteristics of a blog? What characteristics? Well, according to blogger, spam blogs “can be recognized by their irrelevant, repetitive, or nonsensical text”. Irrelevant, repetitive, or nonsensical text! Holy shit! If that’s all it takes to raise the red flag, I’m surprised they didn’t shut me down sooner!

 

Blogger breaks it down (and I feel increasingly guilty) –

“Spam blogs cause various problems, beyond simply wasting a few seconds of your time when you happen to come across one.”

Dovil: “Oh hell. Here we go with the friggin’ oxtail risotto again!”

“They can clog up search engines, making it difficult to find real content on the subjects that interest you.”

Cheeky Lil Devil: “Why can’t I find any entries about Shep getting beaten up in one of those Japanese mud bath spas?!”

“They may scrape content from other sites on the web, using other people’s writing to make it look as though they have useful information of their own.”

PG-15: “Hey, wait a minute! This Cookie Monster response is lifted almost word for word from Senator Joe Biden’s 1988 Democratic primary speech.

“And if an automated system is creating spam posts at an extremely high rate, it can impact the speed and quality of the service for other, legitimate users.”

Jenny Robin: “Our computers are running slow! It has to be Mallozzi!”

So here I sit, blogging for no one (or hopefully everyone eventually) wondering whether an alternate blog host might be a better way to go given that this particular hiccup has cost me three days and counting. Anyone have any suggestions? I’ve looked into wordpress but can’t figure out how to upload images. I could set up my own website, but I have a feeling that would prove incredibly complicated. Far more complicated than, say… subletting Robert Picardo’s blog?

Hey, Bob, how about it? I’ll promise to tidy up when I’m done!

Today’s pics: Our dinner at the Congee Noodle House with Steve and Jodi followed by Steve’s homemade eggnog.