Well, okay. Since you asked…
My sister in Montreal wanted to do something special for my birthday so, after consulting with Akemi, she made reservations for us at one of my favorite Vancouver restaurants: Minami. In addition to booking the table, she also sent me a check for way more than the cost of the dinner (forwarding Akemi a to-do list that included: 1) macarons from Soirette, 2) cream puffs and chocolate from Beta 5, 3) chocolate zeppole at Giovane Cafe & Bakery, and 4) gelato at Bella Gelateria). Oh, and one more thing. She informed the restaurant of the special occasion. “Is someone celebrating their birthday?”asked the hostess who checked us in. I confirmed this, inwardly cringing at the prospect of being the target of a well-intentioned staff rendition of Happy Birthday (or the legal, non-copyright infringing equivalent). Then, when we were seated, our waitress asked: “Is it your birthday?”. I re-confirmed – and yet again when another waitress inquired later.
We enjoyed an excellent meal but, throughout, I couldn’t help but wonder what the restaurant had in store for me on my special day. After all, Akemi and I were semi-regulars of both Minami and its original sister location, Miku. And Andria had made a point of mentioning the special occasion. So what would it be? A complimentary drink? A free dessert? A Happy Birthday chorus? As it turned out it turned out be…
…wait for it…
Look, I wasn’t expecting anything going in, but they were the ones who made note of the occasion – not once or twice but three times. And after we dropped $200+ on sake and sushi, it surely wouldn’t have killed them to offer us one of their over-wrought desserts on the house.
This one had been sitting on my DVR rotation for months and we finally sat down to watch it last night because Akemi was in the mood for a comedy – which, as it turned out, this movie was NOT. I mean, not even close. Utterly, bafflingly, frustratingly unfunny. Great performances by Johnny Depp and co. Great direction by Tim Burton. Great costumes and visual effects. But one enormous TURD of a script. Anyone reading this blog, and I do mean ANYONE with three hours to spare could have done a better job. Honestly. At some point, you would think someone would have noticed they were acting/filming/buffing a humorless piece of shit – and yet they went ahead and made this movie anyway. Hell, even before it went into production, some executive somewhere read the script and said “We’re good to go!”. I like to imagine there’s a special place in Hell for greenlighters of movies like this one, nestled somewhere between the “evil counsellors” and the “sowers of discord”. Seriously, dude. Please point to a single beat in that shipwreck of a movie that was even slightly amusing. Just one.
Easily one of the worst films I’ve watched in recent memory.