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Posts Tagged ‘superhero movies’

Monster spend last few months on vakation where me bone up on cursive writing, try all tree boardings – wake, paddle, and water for first time (Me MUCH prefer first two!), and generally healing from mental scars inflikted by 94 straight weeks of Supermovie reviews.  Now me back after much-needed R&R (Rest and Remi Martin) and rarin’ to go!

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Watching dis movie be like taking in spectakular fireworks show.  In sepia.  While your girlfriend breaks up wit you over de phone.  For two and a half hours.

Movie open on alien world Kripton where scientist Kal-El inform ruling council planet be doomed because of environment (Al Gore-El was right!).  Meeting interrupted by rebellious General Zod and co. who stage coup.  He offer Kal-El to trow in wit him, but Kal-El refuse.  Den have to eskape and get chased back to his home (Couldn’t he have just said “Okay, me wit you?” and den snuck back nice an easy?  No?) where he launch his son away in a space ship wit someting called “De Codex”!

Zod and co. be captured and punished by getting encased in giant vibrators before being fired into De Phantom Zone.  And den Kripton explodes.

Nooo!  Don't banish me to de sea of vibrators!

Nooo! Not de vibrator rockets!

aheJ4oP

On Earth, years later, Kal-El’s son grow up to become Clark, handsome shirtless guy who save co-workers from oil rig fire before washing up on shore somewhere and steal somebody’s clothes (THIEVERY!  SUPERMAN BE A THIEF!).

His shirt got burned off in de fire.  His beard and pants be just fine tho!

His shirt got burned off in de fire. His beard and pants be just fine tho!

Flashback to young Clark who get picked on all de time, saves skool bus full of kids, and be super-hypersensitive to EVERYTING – like dat time monster ate 6 boxes of Oreos and suddenly able to hear people’s hair grow.  And bee farts.

Flashforward to Clark working at diner.   Customer give him a hard time.  So he destroy guy’s truck (MALICIOUS DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY!  SUPERMAN BE A VANDAL!).

Military discover strange objekt buried in 20 000 year old ice in Arctic.  Dey be VERY sekretive and maintain AAA security, only letting ONE snoopy reporter (Lois Lane) onto site and one guy who presumably wander on wit no background check (Clark), and den allowing BOTH to get on buried objekt…which aktually be a ship! Clark awaken it, save Lois from floaty cobra robot, den drop her off before flying ship away to somewhere inept military unable to track it (say, other side of de mountain).  Hologram of Kal-El fill Clark in on his backstory after which Clark puts on super suit, flies around, and crashes.  Dis be de ONE fun beat in otherwise bleak movie.

Flashback to young Clark fleeing tornado wit his family.  Dad goes back to save dog in car and injures ankle.  Cars and tankers get blown around by wind but, for some reason, dad rooted to spot like he built into ground.  Clark wants to save him but Dad waves him away.  Naaah, don’t bother.  So he die.  And Clark left feeling guilty for not helping.  Tanks, Dad.

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Flashforward to news reports.  Space ship heading for Earth!   Creepy cool message from General Zod demand Earth turn over Clark.  Clark turn himself into military – who turn him over to Zod.  And Zod demand Lois as well.  Why?  Beats monster.

Clark taken up on ship where become weak and experimented on.  Lois locked up but, luckily, she have Kal-El hologram device dat Clark slip her (Guess he had hunch to bring it along and give it to her – just in case!).  Hologram Kal-El save her.  Ish.  She get in pod and plummet to Earth.  Clark regain super strength for reasons monster not exaktly clear on,  den save falling Lois IN DE NICK OF TIME!

Turns out Zod plan to terraform Earth and repopulate it wit Kriptonians kept in “De Codex” much like plot of dat episode of Stargate, Scorched Earth.  After all, if dey keep Earth as is and not terraform, dey would ALL be a bunch of supermen – and who wants dat?

Clark fly to town and take on Zod’s soldiers, getting into fistfight at IHop just like us regular folks!

While Zod initiate terraforming machine and start killing thousands of citizens, Superman on other side of planet destroying another tingie (Yo, super dude. Priorities!).  Military manage to destroy terraform machine on their own (Tanks for nothing!) and Lois plummet from back of plane.  Clark sweep in and save her IN DE NICK OF TIME!

Superman to de reskue...uh, too late.  Never mind.

Hurray!  Superman to de reskue…uh, too late. Never mind.

Showdown wit Zod!  Mayhem!  Destruktion!  Thousands more killed!  (Yo, super dude.  Couldn’t you take dis somewhere else?  Space?  De desert?  Out over de ocean?)

Finally, he defeat Zod by cleverly…breaking his neck.  Wait!  What?!  Superman kill Zod?!  (KILLING!  SUPERMAN BE A MURDERER!).  Okay, okay.  Mebbe dis be new version of Superman.  He killed Zod and clearly anguished about it.  Rest of movie will explore heavy burden of murder on his conscience.

Or not.

Clark gets job as reporter working wit Lois.  (OBSESSED!  SUPERMAN BE A STALKER!)

De End.

Overall, everyting make story sense (more or less) and performances pretty good, but dis be filmic equivalent of having to attend an uncle’s funeral at Six Flags.  Wit unbelievable romantic B story tacked on.

VERDIKT: Dis not your father’s Superman. Or your grandfather’s superman. Hell, when it come right down to it, dis not Superman at all. It be a movie about some other guy with super powers.

RATING: 6 chocolate chipped cookies.

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IM poster

Dis would have been a great movie if it had been half an hour shorter. And made a lick of sense.  Monster can imagine script notes session went someting like dis:

Producer: Dis skript full of plot holes and not make much sense.

Writer: Dats okay.  Me fix it.

Producer: By applying logic so it easier to understand?

Writer: No.  By making it so complicated dat audience simply assume dey too stoopid to understand.

Well, me have news for makers of Iron Man 3.  Monster not stoopid. Me have GED from Pyongyang Institute of Higher Learning and Dance!

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Alternate nicknames included Satsuma, Valencia, and Clementine.

Movie begin wit Tony Stark seeing a therapist because he suffering panic attacks after Avengers movie.  How dese panic attacks figure into plot and pay off at end of movie.  Spoiler alert: Dey don’t!

Meanwhile, U.S. government rocked by string of bombings orchestrated by villain called de Mandarin!  Why he called de Manadarin?  Well, in original comic books, he called de Mandarin because he be of Chinese descent and adopt title of Chinese bureaucrats of Imperial China.  In de movie – well, he not Chinese but Middle-Eastern so he called de Mandarin because…mebbe he named after de orange?  It was either dat or Tangerine?

When Tony’s bodyguard get injured in an explosion dat, in retrospekt, not make any sense at all (we’ll get to dat), Tony vow revenge and dare Mandarin to come after him.  So bad guy respond by blowing up Tony’s cool mountain-side home.

Oh, Timmy!  You little scamp!

Oh, Timmy! You little scamp!

At dis point, fairly more-or-less straightforward movie take a hairpin turn when Tony end up in Tennessee to investigate similar bombing there.  He befriend lovable little rascal of a kid who all sorts of quippy and cute and no doubt shoe-horned into story to appeal to young audience.  Dudes, it’s a movie based on a comic book character!

While Tony enlist brilliant kid’s help to recharge his armor, he investigate apparent suicide bombing by local soldier and pay visit to his mom at local bar. COINCIDENTALLY, she happen to be waiting for someone to give dem a top sekret file on her son.  A top sekret file dat, for some reason, also contain information on other soldier blown up in similar explosion.

Why mother have dis information on other soldier?  Why bad guys need to get deir hands on dis file?  Why dey just not go over to her place and take it instead of arranging meeting in a public place?  How Tony be so lucky as to just happen to walk into bar and approach soldier’s mother on exact night she be planning to meet bad guys and hand over file?  How possible – LOOK!  EXPLOSIONS!  COOL!

Tony fight bad guys who turn out to be super soldiers wit super-strength, agility, and healing powers.  And, for no apparent reason later on, super fire breath.  He defeat dem, but barely.

In one of movie’s many ridikulous moments, Tony learns all about super soldiers by hacking into super seckret database containing convenient video recordings of experiments on soldiers wit someting called Extremis.  Sometime it work, making dem superhuman.  Other times it not work, making dem blow up. BUT….

We see one soldier blow up because his body unable to accept Extremis.  Dis be explanation for explosion.  But den how to explain explosion of soldier in Tennessee? If his body rejekted Extremis, he would have blown up in lab, not in public?  And what about soldier who exploded, injuring Tony’s bodyguard?  Why he blow up?  If it delayed reaction to Extremis, what all dat nonsense about him getting a briefcase from bad guy?

Tony track bad guy to Miami and get drop on Mandarin who…turn out to be aktor hired to play part of a wanted terrorist.  Very funny – except for fakt dat, even though he be seemingly goofy and unwitting accomplice who assumed deaths were fake, he couldn’t be stoopid enough NOT to be aware of news reports on terrorist acts in his name. Also, he SHOT a guy on video!

Dis little twist bring up another point.  In comic book, Mandarin be one of Iron Man’s greatest villains – but he played for a joke here.  So dis pretty much rule out any appearance of real villainous Mandarin in future Iron Man movies…unless he be some supervillain who just decide to name himself after a laughingstock rube.

Tony captured.  But get his armor back.  But Pepper kidnapped.  And President!  And Air Force One blow up but Iron Man manage to save flight crew in one of movie’s more inspired sekwences.

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Boy!  Dem some spicy nuts!

It all culminate in big extended impressive but over-long climactic battle pitting Tony and his buddy, Rhodey, against bad guy and super soldiers.  Pepper, who now a super soldier because she be injected wit Extremis, help save de day.  And Tony celebrate by blowing up all his extra Iron Man suits, assuming he won’t need dem because bad guys all dead even though he thought he had killed dem before and dey turned up very much alive later.  Also, FYI,  some of dem not really injured and just fell into ocean so chances are – LOOK!  EXPLOSIONS! SO COOL!

Wait a minute.  Pepper now a super soldier?  No, because Tony be a genius.  He fix her.  Uh, if Tony be such a genius, why he not fix himself?  Okay, because Tony be a genius, he also fix himself and remove shrapnel from his heart.  Happy now?  Uh, if Tony such a genius, why he not remove shrapnel from heart two movies sooner?

Wait another minute! What was bad guy’s plan?  To get Vice President in office?  But if dat de case, why not just assassinate President instead of going through big show of kidnapping him, stringing him up, etc? What was point of de Mandarin?  More me tink about it, more me hate dis movie.

VERDIKT: Great movie for people who love explosions – and not much else.

RATING: 4 chocolate chippee cookies.

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1

Boy, dere be nothing worse den doing someting really embarrassing like slipping on a banana peel and falling down a flight of stairs or making a really shitty movie.  Fortunately, dere be convenient way to cover such faux-pas.  Just adopt ye old “Me meant to do dat!” excuse. Ie -

Rosita burn down Mr. Hooper’s store during Cinque de Mayo celebrations = “Me meant to do dat!”

Bert and Ernie misplace Elmo during White Party in Miami = “Me meant to do dat!”

Grover pass out at strip club and wake up wit shaved ass = “Me meant to do dat!”

So Monster have sneaking suspicion dat, at some point during produktion of dis movie, producers realize Black Scorpion going to be a massive turd.  Instead of pulling plug, dey make tweaks to movie to make it seem intentionally cheesy.  Unfortunately, it such a slap-dash patchy job dat movie end up feeling like a schizophrenic Frankenstein monster who REALLY like to show her boobies.  A lot.

Movie begin wit cop father telling young daughter, Darcy, terrible age-inappropriate bedtime story about lying killer scorpion.  Monster suppose it could have been worse.  He could have told her de one about hooker and pirate wit peg leg.

After telling story, father go out and gun down some bad guys.  And an innocent ER doctor.

Years later, Darcy grow up to be a cop.  She be pretty good – until her father gunned down and she get kicked of police force for threatening killer wit gun.  It lead to dis fantastik exchange:

Police Chief: You’re suspended.

Darcy: It’s because I’m a woman.

Police Chief: It’s because you pulled a gun on a suspect.

Darcy: But he killed my father!

Oh.  Okay.

So what a girl to do?

Well, if you’re DIS girl, you dress up in totally inappropriate unwieldly outfit, don mask, call yourself Black Scorpion and go out and fight crime.  She beat up bad guys.  She use her energy boots to jump really high.  Wait.  Energy boots?  How she get energy boots?

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Dey call him Argyle because…er…search monster.

Eventually, our heroine confide her true identity to someone.  Her supportive detective partner she in love wit?  Of course not.  How about some goofy criminal.  Better!  But why she confide in him? Because she need him to turn her car into a poor woman’s batmobile.

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Percival J. Smogley III

Meanwhile, not-so-super villain who look like reject from de old Mighty Morphin Power Rangers t.v. series enact plan to bas entire city.  He warn everybody and tell dem to pick up gas masks at Bureau of Research and Engineering and Atmospheric Technology for Health. Yep, for some reason, BREATH corner de market on gas masks.  And no one de least bit suspicious.  Villain survey de street-level panic on his wall of twenty-four t.v. screens.  But because he too cheap pay for cable, all twenty-four monitors show de same channel.

Big anti-climactic climax take place at….BREATH headquarters! Surprised?  Me not want to spoil big reveal dat ER doctor shot by Black Scorpion’s father secret identity of villain so please do not read dis sentence.

Movie end wit partner telling fellow cops dat Darcy save de day!  And dey all laugh because, of course, Darcy a girl.

VERDIKT: Gratuitous nudity greatly appreciated, but not enough.

RATING: 3  chocolate chippee cookies.

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DS posterDr. Strange?  More like Dr. Creep!  Apparently, dis guy not familiar wit de Hypocritical Oath, but he all sorts of familiar wit “doctor-patient confidentiality”…if you know what me mean.  No?  Well, let monster put it dis way.  When he around de ladies at work, he like Cookie Monster at a bake sale.  Or Grover at a topless bake sale.

We introduced to Dr. Stephen Strange who be a psykiaktric resident at local hospital  – and major player.  And not necessarily in dat order.  Dis guy more unprofessional den Dr. Bunsen Honeydew at a Science World “History of Lube” exhibit.  He sexy talk wit head nurse and den kiss her – in middle of hallway in front of everyone – which lead monster to assume dey be in a relationship.  But when good-looking mental patient end up in his care, he not have any problem hooking up wit her either.  At one point, another female patient visit him complaining about painful ulcer.  He say to her: “I’ve got an extra bed and I can give you something to help you sleep.”  Sure you can, doc.  Sure you can.

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Today’s hospital special: Free Temperatures Taken!

Meanwhile, a sorceress who worships a demon puppet is given tree days (Why tree days?  Why not!) to kill an old wizard before he can pass down his power to worthy successor – or, barring worthy successor, creepy doctor who happen to own a weird ring.

Old guy, it turn out, live in downtown brownstone dat renovated to resemble Fred Flintstone’s digs.  He be shacked up wit younger man, Wu, who look after his needs and refer to him as master.  Er.  Yeah.  Old man show him drawing of sorceress and tell him to remember her face.  Really?  How de hell he supposed to do dat?  It be like police putting out APB on actor who played Archie Andrews in de live action movie and distributing comic book for identification purposes.

It turn out old man be on to sorceress and head out to confront her.  She pull de old bait and switch, showing up, den disappearing, den mind controlling innocent woman into pushing him off bridge down to street below.

Old guy get up and limp away.  “Hey, buddy!”somebody call.  “You sure you’re alright?”  Of course he alright!  He only plummeted 20 feet onto concrete and get hit by a car.  You’ll have to do better den dat if you want to kill a wizard!

Cue weird synth music!  Cue inexorable extended guitar solo!  Cue trippy dream sekwence!  Cue astral travel!

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Hey!  Who took away my keyboard?!

Dr. Strange “treat” young woman mind-controlled by sorceress.  He shake hands wit old wizard and get power – also, possible cold.

But sorceress gain entrance to old guy’s bedrock pad and string him up on astral plane where he lose his powers and resemble Alice Cooper’s dad.  Dr. Strange follow and battle sorceress who, it turn out, really just looking for someone to love and have a baby wit.

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Dazzling visual effekts!

Overwhelmed by Dr. Strange’s manly moustache, she try to hook up wit him – but he rejekt her and den blast her wit energy bolt just in case she not get de message.

De End.

Except movie goes on for another half an hour.  Strange goes thru lame ritual.  He become official apprentice sorcerer.  He screw with street performer.  Puppet demon punish sorceress by making her really old.  And, mysteriously, a couple of scenes later, she back to her old self, on Earth, and now a self-help guru.

Now really De End.

Verdikt:  Cheesy and lame but unintentionally hilarious and mercifully short.

Rating: 3 chocolate chippee cookies.

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Abar - posterMonster am drunk reviewing dis movie.  Why not?  After all, me felt positively sloshed watching it.  It full of weird cuts, funky music, bizarre performances, interminable montage sekwences of people driving around, and a plot more ridikulous den Sam de Eagle’s cruising toupee.

Movie begin wit nice family moving into new home.  But neighbors not happy.  Not happy AT ALL.  Why dey not happy?  Becuz dis family be different.  Different how? Well, for one, de husband and wife talk like dey be reading off cue cards.  Barely. Either dat or dey be sekret robots.

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Dr. and Mrs. Robot

Soon, word gets out.  Breaking news report on radio inform shocked listeners: “A black family has moved into Meadow Park…”!

x

Neighbors are clearly prejudiced against non-union aktors.

Gang ride to de reskue and scare off angry neighbors wit deir LED light bedecked jackets.  Dey led by guy called Abar who suggest Doc move back to his old neighborhood.  But doc refuse.  Mayor’s office swing by and offer to buy him out.  Doc refuse.  Even Doc’s crazy uncle break into home in middle of de night wearing creepy mask (what a joker!) and suggest he pack it in.  Doc say no way.

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Abar plays to captive audience.  And old timey wheelbarrow.

Doc’s son have weird (even for dis movie) dream about Old West shoot-out.  De next day, dis inspire him to try to outgun a car.  Car prove faster – and heavier.

Everybody sad.  Doc finally get around to _Oh, by the way! – informing Abar dat he created superhuman serum while working on a cure for heart disease (!).  Dis be very surprising – especially since we’re over one hour into ninety minute movie.  He offer it to Abar.  Why he not take it himself?  Well, uh, good qwestion.  See, Doc claim he have weak heart and, uh, look, do you want super powers or not?

Abar take it and develop powers like…well, Monster not sure.  He turn booze into milk, car into horse and buggy, spaghetti into worms, and drug addikts into high school graduates.  Instantly!  BUT we learn dat if he use his powers for selfish gain, he temporarily lose dem.  How he know dis and how dis figure into story?  Beats monster.  Mebbe dey have sekwel planned.

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Worms All’Amattricana.  See Big Bird for recipe!

Abar turn tables on angry neighbors.  He blow up bomber’s car.  He infest woman’s house wit rats.  He put snake in bed wit other woman.  He make neighborhood REALLY windy, den trap everyone in shrinking t.v. screen of death (?).

And to top tings off, we treated to surprising twist:

Bet you not see DAT coming!

Verdikt: Movie try to deliver message about evils of racism so heart in right place but you know what dey say: Road to Hell be lined wit good intentions.  And sitting thru dis movie definitely feel like one WEIRD road trip down down under.

Rating: 2 chocolate chippee cookies for unintended hilarity.

Today’s entry is dedicated to belated birthday gal and blog regular Tam Dixon!

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1Oooh, check ‘em out.  Macaron ice cream sandwiches.  They come in four flavors – strawberry cheesecake, coconut-mango, raspberry-pistachio, and chocolate on chocolate with cocoa nibs – now available at Payard.  Read all about them here: http://newyork.seriouseats.com/2013/06/payard-macaron-ice-cream-sandwiches.html.  Thanks to sis for the heads up.

Also pursuant to our macaron discussion my macaron rant in yesterday’s blog entry, here’s helpful article to help you (or your celebrity chef friends) distinguish the difference between a macaroon and macaron: Macaron vs Macaroon – There’s No Place Like Oz

photo by Robyn Lee

photo by Robyn Lee

And here’s an article to help you (or your celebrity chef friend) know what to look out for when judging a macaron: Macaron vs Macaroon – There’s No Place Like Oz

Finally, to the celebrity chef judges of Masterchef (Gordon Ramsay, Graham Elliot, Joe Bastianich) who have, apparently, never in their lives seen a macaron prepared with fresh fruit (which, frankly, shouldn’t be all that surprising since they can’t even get the name right), may I present the Pierre Hermes Ispahan:

After over a year and a half of film reviews here on this blog (and over on his own.  They’re all here: http://cookiemonstermovereviews.wordpress.com/) for our weekly superhero-themed Supermovie of the Week Club, it appears as though our resident film critic, Cookie Monster, has pretty much watched and critiqued every American superhero movie ever made and should be wrapping things up by August.  Yep, it certainly looks that way.  But, upon closer scrutiny, I couldn’t help but notice he missed a few. Namely:

Abar, the First Black Superman (1977)
Dr. Strange (1978)
The Toxic Avenger (1984)
The Toxic Avenger II (1989)
The Toxic Avenger III (1989)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1990)
The Guyver (1991)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)
The Crow (1994)
Guyver: Dark Hero (1994)
Black Scorption (1995)
Darkman: The Return of Durant (1995)
The Crow: City of Angels (1995)
Darkman II: Die Darkman Die (1996)
Black Scorpion II: Aftershock (1996)
Star Kid (1997)
The Crow: Salvation (1999)
Citizen Toxic: The Toxic Avenger IV (2000)
The Crow: Wicked Prayer (2005)
Despicable Me (2010)
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Iron Man 3 (2013)
Man of Steel (2013)
Kick- Ass 2 (2013)
The Wolverine (2013)
*
Now before Cookie reads this and has a nervous breakdown, I am willing to cut him some slack.  For instance, I won’t blame him if he’s unable to get his furry mitts on a copy of the 1977 Abar, the First Black Superman, and I certainly won’t force him to watch the Black Scorpion sequel, much less all three Toxic Avenger sequels – but I do expect him to make a concerted effort to at least watch the first installment in both glorious film series.
*
To make things easier on him and (hopefully) wash the bitter aftertaste of some of these movies out of his mouth – and eyeballs – I’m going to suggest we alternate between these overlooked superhero movies and a movie to be voted on by readers of this blog.  So, let’s start taking nominations for a non-superhero film that Cookie Monster can enjoy review.
*
Finally, a reminder to watch the 2012 pointless remake of the 2002 Spiderman in advance of this Monday’s Cookie Monster review:
*
Oh, and since we’re on the subject, check out this oh-so-true rundown of 10 WTF Superhero Movie Monents YOu Won’t Believe They Got Away With: http://whatculture.com/film/10-wtf-superhero-movie-moments-you-wont-believe-they-got-away-with.php.  But be warned!  Spoilers abound!

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C - posterWhen is a found footage film not a found footage film?  When de makers mysteriously bail on de concept two turds of de way thru de movie.  Chronicle has distinktion of being de first (mostly) found footage superhero movie.  And dat about all dat make it distinkt.  It otherwise pretty standard fare.

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Hey, it be like Peter Parker x 3!

Our protagonist, Andrew, be a high school nerd.  His mother dying, his dad abusive, he bullied at school.  It a miserable life for him – but very entertaining for everyone else so he decide to start filming it.  He bring his camera everywhere, inkluding to a party he go to wit his cousin and jock friend.  After leaving party, trio find weird hole in de ground, investigate, and diskover strange glowy crystal holding squiggly black ting.  Having never watched a horror or science fiction movie in deir lives, dey trow caution to de wind and decide to touch it.  Crystal changes color and dey get nose bleeds!

Weeks later, dey are showing off deir new teliknetik powers, moving objects wit deir minds.  It all fun and games until someone gets hurt…

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Someone gets hurt.

Andrew uses his power to trow tailgating truck into lake.  Others tink dis is NOT cool and, after swimming into water and rescuing driver (instead of just using deir telikentic power to pull him out), dey agree to not hurt other people.

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I believe I can fly.  I believe I can touch de sky.  I believe I can make others die.

Dey also teach demselves to fly and go hang out in de clouds – until dey almost get run over by a plane (Mighty crowded up dere!).

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Wit great power come great irresponsibility

Dey celebrate by going to house party where Andrew trow up on girl. He humiliated and, next day at skool, he perform instrument-free dental surgery on bully who be picking on him.

Upset, Andrew fly away so he can be alone and film himself crying.  But jock manage to find him – me not exaktly sure how.  Mebbe he go to his favorite special place in de sky?  Jock try to cheer him up.  Andrew tank him by killing him wit lightning blast (Oh, yeah, he also apparently have lightning blast power).

Andrew start tinking he all special and superior, like Grover’s cousin ShaLaunda dat time she got her nails done.  He put on fireman suit and rob bullies and gas station to get money for medicine for his dying mother.

It be at dis point in movie where direktor decide “Fudge it!” and drop de found footage look.  But den seem to want to hedge his bets and inklude unnecessary security cam footage as well.  And, finally, seem to realize he being inconsistent so he go back to found footage look for movie’s ending dat involve Andrew vs. cousins vs a lot of parked cars in high-flying aktion.

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Stay down!  Don’t move!

For some reason, despite all de damage and havok dey cause, police not at all inclined to shoot de boys.  Every time dey toss around police cars and policemen, cops just keep yelling: “Stay down!  Down move!” And, of course, dey move and trow around more cars and cops, and fall down some more and de cops yell: “Stay down!  Don’t move!”

Dis process is repeated until cousin get as tired of dis movie as we do and simply impale Andrew wit a handy spear from a nearby statue.

Movie end wit cousin filming himself addressing Andrew as he arrive in Tibet.  Why?  Does he believe Andrew also have de superpower to watch movies from beyond de grave?

Verdikt: Dere come a point in every found footage movie where audience wonder “Seriously!  Why de hell dey filming dis?”.  It seem dat, late in film, direktor arrive at same conklusion and deeply regret de whole “found footage” ting.

Rating: 3 chocolate chippee cookies.

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