Here in Canada, couples filing for divorce must wait one full year before a judgment will be granted. Why? Well, because the government (not YOU) knows what’s best for you. They don’t believe you actually want that divorce, think you two are just perfect together, and would really love for you guys to make it work. They’re shippers at heart, so they’re giving you a cooling off period during which you can reconsider things and hopefully work things out.
That’s really swell of them to care so much, but I would think that if they were really all that concerned about our well-being, they would implement that mandatory cooling off period on the other side. Instead of having to wait a year before getting a divorce, couples should have to wait a full year before getting married. Oh, sure, many do, but just as many rush headlong into marriage like Lord Cardigan leading his forces against the Russians at Balaclava. But why stop there? Why limit itself to sticking its nose into our personal lives? If our government truly cared about us, they would implement cooling off periods for other equally weighty decisions.
Want that new car, house, or refrigerator? Oh, sure, you may say yes now, but will you still say yes six months from now? Maybe you need a cooling off period during which you can continue driving that old jalopy or live out of your car or subsist on take-out and packaged ramen. And what about perhaps the most important decision an adult can make: the decision to become a parent. Shouldn’t there be a cooling off period, say somewhere between two or three months, for couples thinking of getting pregnant? They could register an “intent to impregnate” and then take some time off to really think things through. If they’re still gung-ho after the designated wait time has elapsed, the government will approve their petition and it’s a go. Have at it. But, if it turns out insemination takes place before approval is granted, then the couple could be subject to a modest fine which would, of course, go toward helping to fund other equally important government programs like the Having Seconds Thoughts About Your Haircut statute and the Reconsider Your Shoes regulation.
According to Akemi, there is no cooling off period in Japan. People can divorce immediately. There is, however, a cooling off period for women who want to remarry. While Japanese men may remarry immediately, Japanese women must wait six months. When I asked why this is, Akemi informed me that it was to avoid any sort of paternity confusion in the case of immediate pregnancies. Sounds a little, er, gender-biased to me but what, really, what do I know. I’m just some naive citizen who needs to be protected from himself.
Hey, want to guess the identity of one of the feature ingredients in Ben & Jerry’s Scotchy Scotch Scotch ice cream, a flavor inspired by the scotch-loving anchorman in the movie of the same name? Well, I’ll give you a hint. It aint scotch.
The “scotch” being featured here is actually butterscotch. It felt like a bit of a bait and switch, a grievous error in judgment on the part of Benjamin and/or Gerald which I rectified with the addition of a shot of Booker’s bourbon:
Okay, so after starting my research on that huge pile of books pictured in yesterday blog entry, I was able to eliminate over half from contention, and then another that turned out to be utter crap 100 pages in. And so, here is my reduced get-to pile:
And what of you? Read any good books/sampled any good bourbon lately? Do tell!