Archive for the ‘Fantasy Football’ Category

Are they back yet?!

Are they back yet?!

As much as the dogs miss us when we’re away, I think I miss them even more.  Especially at night.  After a while, you not only get used to sleeping like a contorted magician’s assistant in one of those sword-through-the-box tricks, but you come to draw comfort from their pudgy, snoring, encroaching presence.  As crazy as it sounds, I now have trouble sleeping on a spacious bed.  A quiet room will keep me up.  When I’m away, I miss their plaintive cries the second dinner time rolls around, or their impatient barks as I hurry to fill their bowls.  Lulu’s version of fetch which involves her bringing you her toy and then snatching it back and running off with it the second you show an interest.  Bubba’s indolent refusal to go out for his final bathroom break of the night, forcing you to  scoop him up off the couch to help him along.  Jelly’s bad hips which require she be “chauffeured” from her comfy dog bed to the backyard or up the stairs or on and off the bed.  The way they eat their snacks: Jelly, challenged by the simple act of chewing, Lulu, always gentle, Bubba, who attempts to take the tips of your fingers too.  The day one of our national airlines starts selling pet seats is the day I  start buying flight passes.

I’ve always dreaded the prospect of being offered a terrific job somewhere overseas, not because it would place me in the difficult position of having to choose between my work and my dogs but simply because I’d have to turn down a terrific job.  It’s bad enough being offered work on the other side of the country as past experience well proves.  Remember that Toronto gig?  The major headache with that charter company?  The fact that I had to take the five and a half hour flight to Toronto with Akemi and two of my dogs, then turn around and fly back to Vancouver the next day so that I could fly back with a friend and my other two dogs the day after that?

Ideally, I’ll be working in Vancouver next year but if it’s L.A., then at least I won’t have to worry about flights.  Instead, we can all look forward to a family road trip!

Hopefully, it won’t come to that though.  The gang kind of likes it here, even with the occasional snow.

Big day tomorrow for my Snow Monkeys who go for their second championship trophy in fantasy football league play.  Wish us luck!

Touchdown dance! [Source: PacificCoastNews.com]

Touchdown dance! [Source: PacificCoastNews.com]

Anybody live on the way

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Well, you’ll be pleased – nay, thrilled!  – to hear that the NFL’s minimal stats corrections for week 15 of the regular season did NOT impact the score of the semi-final fantasy football match that saw my Snow Monkeys win by the slimmest of margins.  To refresh your memories:

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 3.25.25 PMDamn, that’s tight!

So now, with last weekend’s victory finally assured, it’s upwards and onwards.  There’s a fantasy football championship on the line (potentially my Snow Monkeys’ third in two years!) and I’ve got to start prepping for my final match versus Petunia Power.  In my other league, Ivon Bartok’s Running Dead faces off against Alex Levin’s Flemish Giants.  After fifteen long weeks, it finally comes down to this.  For THIS:

1Gorgeous, isn’t it?  By Tuesday of next week, it’ll be sitting on my virtual shelf alongside my 2011 championship trophy, my Primetime Emmy award for Outstanding Drama Series, and my MTV Video Music Award for Best Hip-Hop Video.

Hey, you know what’s really crowded nowadays?  EVERYWHERE!  I can’t even pick up a salted caramel cream puff at my favorite chocolate shop without having to wait in line.  Seriously, people!  Is this your first Christmas?!  Did nobody warn you it was coming?!  Did somebody change the date on you?!

How are you all faring?  Braving the crowds or battening down the hatches?

I thought I had everything well in hand until I received a late text from my sister informing me that my mother has nixed our plans to get her a tablet computer, for skyping purposes.  Apparently, she doesn’t like Skype because it makes people’s heads too big and grotesque.

And here’s where YOU come in.  Just leave a suggestion for what I should get my mother for Christmas in the comments section of this blog and you’ll automatically become a member of Mom’s Christmas Brigade with all of the perks that membership entails [note: membership entails no actual perks].   So what are you waiting for?!  Start suggesting!!!

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Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 3.25.25 PMHmmm.  Well that was a little too close for comfort.  My Snow Monkeys won their semi-final fantasy football playoff match-up by a score of 109.30 to 109.10.  Yes, that’s right.  They won by a whopping 0.2 points.  Rather than celebrate, however, I’ll be on the edge of my seat until Thursday morning when the NFL releases their final stats corrections for this past weekend.  Every week yields about two dozen slight “in retrospect” adjustments, a yard gained here, another lost there, that could make the difference between playing Petunia Power for the championship or drowning my sorrows in bourbon-spiked eggnog.

It certainly would be a bitter defeat that would find its way into my Bitterest Losses of All Time, a list that goes something like this…


It’s the second to last week of the 2013 fantasy football season in my Stargate Fantasy Football League.  I need to win my final two games to have any shot at making the playoffs.  Fearing the fearsome Chiefs defence in Kansas City, I bench my starting quarterback, Philip Rivers, in favor of the Houston Texan’s Case Keenum, a hot start according to the so-called experts.  The result?  Keenum puts up a paltry 4.96 points.  As for Philip Rivers, he has the game of the season, racking up 28.78 fantasy points – which would have been more than enough for me to win the week. What makes this loss particularly disappointment in hindsight is that I ended up winning the next game handily and would have secured the sixth and final playoff spot.


The young Detroit Pistons have victory within their grasp.  With seconds to go, all Isaiah Thomas has to do is inbound the ball, perhaps force the foul, and take a strangle-hold on the series.  For some reason, Thomas telegraphs the inbound pass to centre Bill Laimbeer in the low past.  Larry Bird cuts in front and, with one second remaining, scores the easy lay-up for the win.


In every other sport, the “home team advantage” usually refers to the intangible edge the home team receives from playing in front of their home fans.  In professional basketball, however, it refers to the very tangible edge the home team receives from the home town refs.  The slanted calls are so outrageous that they made me give up on the NBA years ago and still make me wonder why supposed fans of the game put up with it.  I can only assume that it is simply an accepted part of the game’s ingrained culture, like fighting in hockey and tartan pants in golf.


When is a fumble not a fumble?  Why, when it’s league-darling Tom Brady dropping the ball.  January 19, 2002.  The AFC divisional playoffs.  Late in the game, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is sacked by the Raiders and drops the football.  It’s recovered by the Raiders who hold off the late Pats rally to win the game!  No, wait.  Officials reviewed the play and reversed the call on the field, declaring it a non-fumble because, in their estimation, Brady’s arm was moving forward.  Thus, the call on the field was “incomplete pass”.  Never mind that he was clearly not attempting a pass and that the sketchy “on second thought” reversal didn’t meet the requirements of “incontrovertible visual evidence” necessary to overturn a call.  The Raiders went on to lose the game and the “tuck rule”, as it was called, spent another ten gloriously crappy years in the books before finally being abolished in 2013 by a vote of 29-1.


In the final week of the 2012 fantasy football season, my high-flying Snow Monkeys were in tough.  Even though my Monkeys were the second highest-scoring team in the league, they were also the #1 scored against.  As a result, I desperately needed a win in the final week in order to secure a playoff berth.  Things look great heading into the Monday night match-up.  All I needed was a a couple of points from Green Bay receiver James Jones, and I’d be headed to the post-season.  Things looked good.  After all, I was relying on Aaron Rodgers and the high-powered Packers offense.  Looking good, right?  Wrong.  James Jones ended up putting up a grand total of 0 points.  Yes, that’s right.  0.  He did absolutely nothing, not even dropping a pass.  Aaron Rodgers didn’t look his way once – and my Snow Monkeys were done. I will forever hold a grudge against Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers.

And you, sports fans?  What makes your list for The Bitterest Loss of All Time?

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It’s that time of year!  Yes, time for the Fantasy Football playoffs.  On the back of a fearsome running game, my Snow Monkeys took the second seed in my league, winning themselves a much-needed (last) weekend off with a first-round bye. Today, they were back at it, meeting As Luck Would Have It in semi-final action.  My opponent managed 109.10 points, in most part thanks to Jamaal Charles’ annoying 51.50 outburst.  With five of my players still to hit the field, including QB Matt Stafford this Monday night, I’m feeling cautiously optimistic about the 42 points I need to snag the victory.  I need BIG games from Antonio Brown and Giovanni Bernard tonight.  Wish my Snow Monkeys luck!

In other fantasy football playoff action, Ivon Bartok’s team, The Running Dead, fresh off a wild-card weekend beatdown of Robert C. Cooper’s Landsharks, won again in impressive fashion, destroying Lawren Bancroft-Wilson’s (creatively named) team, Lawren.

So, if all goes as it should – and why wouldn’t it? -next week, Ivon’s Running Dead will be playing Orphan Black writer (and former Stargate script coordinator) Alex Levine’s Flemish  Giants.  While, in my other league, my Snow Monkeys will face off against Tio’s team, Petunia Power.

Condolences to Robert Cooper’s Dallas Cowboys who continue to find new and creative ways to lose.

Yes, it was a full football Sunday.  And there’s still the late game to watch.  And, once that’s done, the Survivor season finale (Go Tyson!).

So, how were your weekends?  What wast the most exciting thing you did?  Don’t be shy.  Do tell!

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Oven-roasted porchetta

Oven-roasted porchetta

Look at what Akemi made!  Yesterday, she stuffed, seasoned, rolled, and trussed a pork belly.  Then, this morning, she woke up at 6:00 a.m. to slow-roast it for five and a half hours before finishing it off with a 30 minute broil to render the skin extra crispy.  She served it for lunch with her home made chimichurri sauce and a side salad.


And while we were eating, my Snow Monkeys were winning!  They’ve improved to a less-than-impressive 3-6 in Stargate League Play but a very impressive record of 6-3 in my Original League.  I will, of course, be managing my team from Japan for the next two weekends – so wish my Snow Monkeys luck!  A double playoff appearance is going to be a hard trick to pull off.

Yesterday, Akemi and I met up with our friends, Jeff and Barb, who are in town, visiting from Chicago.  We hit Campagnolo for lunch and enjoyed some brunch, pizza…and some unexpected belated birthday gifts.


Barb and Jeff from Chicago, home of the deep dish pizza. But I don’t hold that against them.


Surprise!  Belated birthday presents!  Or, in Akemi’s case, EARLY birthday presents!


Southern cook books for Akemi (and, indirectly, me!)  We were up all night deciding what we wanted to make.  Conclusion = everything!


Souther horror fiction for me.  A little research to get me in the mood for the new pilot.


Crispy ceci.  A house speciality!


Sausage, arugula and chiil pizza


And a side of thick cut pancetta

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Rob and Lawren in the BG for some perspective

Akemi and I set our alarm for six a.m. this morning so we could get an early start on the turducken.  According to the instructions: 4 1/2 hours at 325 degrees covered, then another 45 minutes at 375 uncovered.  Tent and let sit for half an hour, then serve!

While I was setting the oven temperature, Akemi went to take the turducken out of the refrigerator – and almost dislocated her shoulder in the process.  The damn thing weighed almost 20 pounds!  I hurried over to help and, together, we slipped it into the oven.  Satisfied, I headed back upstairs for an extra two hours of sleep while Akemi elected to stay downstairs, practice her Italian, and do some cleaning.  I came downstairs a little after 8:00 a.m. to find her sweeping up “bunny dust” as she calls it.

“You mean dust bunnies,”I corrected her.

“No,”she was insistent.  “Not dust bunnies.  Bunny dusts!”

Okay.  Bunny dusts.

By the time the guys came over for football, the bunny dusts were swept up and the turducken was roasting away.

Needless to say, the triple bird extravaganza – chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed  into a turkey, each layer insulated with delicious stuffing – was a resounding success:


Akemi sneaks a brussel sprout.


Big Bird!


Buttery mashed potatoes with pork drippings.


Roasted brussel sprouts (compliments of Ivon Bartok)


Roasted parsnip sticks (compliments of Ivon Bartok)

Since we were having turducken as our main course, I thought it only proper we do piecaken for dessert.  For those who don’t know, a piecaken is – well, pretty much what you’d suspect: a pie baked into a cake.  In this case, a pecan pie baked into a giant brownie.

To save time, Akemi and I prepared this the night before.  Really, SHE prepared while I played assistant – beating the eggs, pouring the mixture, and transferring items into and out of the oven…


We followed a Chuck Hughes recipe for the pecan pie.  The secret ingredient = maple syrup.


Once the pie had cooled, Akemi made brownie mixture and poured it into a cake hold.  We placed the pecan pie on top…


And then covered the pie with the rest of the mixture.  


We baked it for an hour and then tested it’s doneness by piercing it with a toothpick.  The toothpick came back clean, indicating the cake/brownie had cooked through.


The final product was fantastic.  I recommend serving with a couple of scoops of Haagen Dazs vanilla bean ice cream to counter the sweetness.  Yeah, I know.  It’s sweet too.  Just not AS sweet. 

I had three helping of the turducken and sides topped with gravy and pan drippings, then capped off lunch with a slice of piecaken and a double scoop of ice cream.

I don’t think I’ll ever be hungry again.

P.S.  Snow Monkeys lose!  Snow Monkeys lose!  Again!

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My string of bad luck has continued unabated and required my setting up appointments with an electrician, a home repairman, a home alarm specialist, and a vet.  The latter is for Lulu who is on antibiotics right now on account of a swollen paw.  My visit to the doctor (to get that solar plexus pull checked out) proved thankfully uneventful.  After proceeding to press and prod the tender area under my ribcage to no discernible effect, the doctor declared it a muscle issue and sent me on my way.  I suppose that, technically, we could put that in the Good Luck column although I would argue that the bad luck pain which precipitated the visit to the clinic which makes it a push.

Yo!  Pick me!

Yo! Pick me!

On the bright side, I took part in my annual fantasy football draft this evening.   As a result of The Great Fantasy Schism of 2012, I am now playing in two leagues.  The League of Apathy, made up of a bunch of Stargate alums, was up first tonight.  I landed the first overall pick and, one hour and fifteen later, once the dust had settled, my 2013 Snow Monkeys looked something like this:

QB: Andrew Luck

RB1: Adrian Peterson

RB2: Maurice-Jones Drew

WR!: Demaryius Thomas

WR2: Torrey Smith

WR3: Steve Smith

TE: Martellus Bennett

FLEX: Lamar Miller

KICKER: Didn’t draft one

DEFENSE: Arizona Cardinals


RB Danny Woodhead

RB Shane Vereen

RB Daryl Richardson

WR Vincent Brown

WR DeAndre Hopkins

WR Michael Floyd

WR Brandon LaFell

I’m nervous about MJD and, while I’m not all that enthusiastic about Bennett, I could have done worse.  Love my bench though.

So, what do you think?  When are your respective draft dates?

Russel asks: “This Saturday (Aug 24), my wife and I will be in Vancouver, for the first time.  In your humble opinion, what would be the 2 or 3 “must do / must see” things while we are in town?”

Answer: Hmmm.  That’s a tough one because I’m definitely not the “must do/must see” type.  I hear Stanley Park is beautiful (there’s supposed to be some sort of party commemorating the park’s 125th year this weekend) and the Grouse Grind is a to-do if you’re into hiking.  There’s also a garlic festival in Richmond on Sunday (Sharing Farm,   Terra Nova Park, 2631 Westminster Hwy | Free |) and the weekly Food Cart Fest continues this Sunday between 12-5 at the Olympic Village.  If you want to check out some of the local eats, I’d recommend La Tacqueria (2549 Cambie St), Meat & Bread – get the porchetta sandwich (370 Cambie St,), Campagnolo (1020 Main St,), Beta 5 Chocolate (413 Industrial Ave), and Cadeaux Bakery (172 Powell St).

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