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Archive for the ‘comics’ Category

With the news that Sony is fast-tracking a superhoine movie that will hit the big screen before the turn of the decade (http://www.empireonline.com/news/story.asp?NID=41823), I thought this would be a good time to weigh in with my suggestions for My Top 11 Superheroines in need of the big screen treatment!  Just in case the studios were wondering…

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BATWOMAN

I’ll be honest with you.  I’d sooner watch a movie featuring this fantastic new and improved version of Batwoman than another Batman movie.

the_avengers_black_widow

BLACK WIDOW

I know.  She’s already received the big screen treatment.  Still, rather than play second banana to Iron Man and the rest of The Avengers, I’d love to see Natasha Romanoff headline her own big screen adventure.  Less alien swarms invading the Earth and more espionage, counter-espionage, and reverse counter-counter-espionage with a twist of lime.

 domino1

DOMINO

Yes, there was a movie called Domino that came out in 2005.  A terrible movie. And a different Domino.  A kick-ass protagonist with a bit of a mean streak to boot.

406px-Acotilletta2--Elektra_H4H

ELEKTRA

Like Jennifer Garner, let’s forget that other movie never happened and start fresh.

250px-Ghost_Spec2_Jun98_(YvonneEpstein)

GHOST

Mystery!  Suspense!  Intra-dimensional travel!  And one awesome heroine!

dcdauthjs4

JENNY SPARKS

A great character with a narrative that spans most of the 20th century.  There’s potential here for a dozen movies.  Also, love the accent.

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KABUKI

Agent for a super-secret government organization called “The Noh”, operating in near-future Japan.

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POWER GIRL

A female superhero to rival Superman!

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PROMETHEA

Magic, mysticism, and a provocative and engaging narrative.  If the big screen version could look half as good as the comic, it would be spectacular.

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SHE-HULK

Brilliant attorney by day, kick-ass superhero by – er – also day.  As far removed from The Hulk as Spiderman is from Superman.  Number two on this wish list after Batwoman.

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SILVER SABLE

Because I have a soft spot for female mercenaries.

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WONDER WOMAN

Come on.  This one’s way overdue.

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P is for Paste Pot Pete

10. Paste Pot Pete

Look out!  He’s going to start shooting paste.  Out of his pot.  Oh, that Pete.

crazyquilt9. Crazy Quilt

Not to be confused with The Master Duvet.  Presumably, grandma helped him with his costume.

rainbow-raider8. Rainbow Raider

Guard your rainbows!  As if those damn leprechauns weren’t bad enough.

Polka-Dot-Man-27. Polka Dot Man

Winner of Mrs. Haversham’s grade 2 Name A Supervillain contest.

3770755-stilt+man+daredevil+8+june+1965+wallace+wood6. Stilt Man

Not particularly strong or fast or agile or deceptive.  But his creepy window-peeping range is incredible.  Eat your heart out, Galactus.

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5. Forearm

Because he’s got four arms.  Get it?

929112-egg_fu4. Egg Fu

 But he prefers to be called Chang Tzu.  I don’t blame him.

angar_the_screamer3. Angar the Screamer

He eventually hooked up with fellow questionably-named supervillain Screaming Mimi.  They were destined to be together 💝

764146-kite_man2. Kite Man

And his trusty sidekick, Tailwind.

music-fiddler11. The Fiddler

What, exactly, does he fiddle – ?  Oh.  Oh!  His violin!  Which, I suppose, he also hits people with if they’re immune to his musical charm.

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245245cfa4500c96_large10. The Whizzer

AKA “The Yellow Streak”?  Does the W on his chest stand for “wee”?

19. Matter Eater Lad

Look at him go to town on that chain link fence!  Bombs, bullets, getaway cars – there is no limit to his amazing powers of consumption!  Unless, of course, he gets full.

18. Aqualad

Batman had Robin, Captain America had Bucky and Aquaman had…well, this incorrigible little (presumably) English scamp.

StrongGuy7. Strong Guy

Guess his super power!

Screen-Shot-2011-10-19-at-10.06.08-AM6. 3-D Man

Whoa!  Not one, not two, but THREE dimensions!

ElongatedMan5. Elongated Man

Because he’s, uh, really long.

mrfantastic4. Mr. Fantastic

Not just fantastic, but Mr. Fantastic.  And then he names his team after himself.  What an egomaniac.

Thor_Girl3. Thor Girl

What’s next?  Captain America Boy?  Iron Man Girl?  Wolverine Woman?

bouncing-boy-comic-panel2. Bouncing Boy

He has the power of his legs never getting tired from walking.

11. Squirrel Girl

She once defeated Dr. Doom.

No.  Really.

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1Well look who it is.  If it isn’t our old friend Cookie Monster who, only last summer, announced he was through hosting our weekly Supermovie of the Week Club and done penning reviews of such big screen classics as The Dark Knight, Spiderman, and Abar: The First Black Superman.  Well, what a difference a year (most of it spent at the Muppetville Correctional Institute) makes.  Apparently, the terms of his early prison release requires him to hold down a job for the length of his probationary period and, well, it was either resuming his duties as this blog’s resident film critic or becoming an analyst for ESPN’s coverage of the extreme ironing championships.

Yes, it's a thing.

Yes, it’s a thing.

He chose the former, but not before phoning me (collect!) and begging for his old job back.   As you know, I’m all about second chances – like a second chance at making someone sit through excruciatingly lengthy and lumbering films about guys in tights punching each other’s lights out (Hello, Man of Steel!).  And so, I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome Cookie Monster back.

Over the next few months, we can all look forward to reviews of Man of Steel, The Wolverine, Kick-Ass 2, Super Buddies, Thor: The Dark World, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, The Amazing Spiderman 2, and X-Men: Days of Future Past.  Also on his critical horizon: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Don’t you just hate reboots?), Guardians of the Galaxy, and Lucy!

Feel free to check out Cookie Monster’s past movie reviews – all collected on a single site – here:

http://cookiemonstermovereviews.wordpress.com

I’m also thinking of enlisting Cookie to head up a Star Trek TOS re-watch.  Anyone interested?

1* Cookie Monster in jail pic via arcaderevolution.org

*Cookie Monster mugshot via worth1000.com

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If I had to pick one comic book that I considered “the weirdest” growing up, it would have to be Richie Rich.  The title character was described as “the poor little rich boy” but I never found anything remotely poor about him, either literally or figuratively.  I suppose, one could make the argument that deep beneath the surface, Richie was a troubled soul.  In the end, all the riches in the world couldn’t buy him the one thing he desired most: true friendship.  Of course, in retrospect, making friends probably wouldn’t have been so hard if he hadn’t been such a dick.

1I can just imagine him in his best Crocodile Dundee: “Haha.  That’s not a car.  THIS is a car.”  Then reverses over the kid’s toy.  And quite possibly his little hand.

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How much does it cost to ship in an endangered tortoise from the Galapagos Islands?  And then stud its shell with precious gems?

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DON’T try this at Dodger home games.

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Nothing says “destitute and starved for affection” like a kid taking an old soup can for a walk.  But Richie looks pretty happy.  Happier still when he later fires a full broadside at the enemy ship.

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It’s like: “Dayamn, my top is so brilliant, I need sunglasses to play with it.”

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Structurally unsound, impractical, and energy deficient, but the new President of the Inuit Circumpolar Council has to represent.

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Yeah, I’m just going to look the other way while you finish grading my test.

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100’s are aerodynamically superior to 50’s and 20’s.

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Money doesn’t actually grow on trees. It grows on stalks so, technically, your parents weren’t lying to you.

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This is actually a great idea.  Next time you break a window, it’s automatically paid for.

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If only golf courses came with shops that allowed you to purchase golf-related items like golf balls – or hire non-chatty caddies.  “Yo, Overalls.  I’m putting over here!”

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Which all results in this.  Sad but not surprising.

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“They sure don’t make ‘em like they used to” goes the old adage, and nowhere is this more evident than in the ever-evolving world of comic books.  From Superman battling nazis to Spiderman meeting President Obama, comics have a rich tradition of embracing history and reflecting social and cultural norms.  What was perfectly acceptable ten, maybe twenty years ago is now often viewed with an even mix of horror and amusement.  “What were they thinking?”we ask.  But before we get all smug and self-important, let’s remember that ten, twenty years ago, readers were saying the same thing.  And ten, twenty years from now, they’ll probably look back on us and marvel over OUR ridiculous conceits and misguided earnestness.   So adorably/annoyingly politically correct.  It’s a wonder they ever got anything done!

With that in mind, allow me to present Comicdom’s Most Dated Covers: A Trip Down Lois Memory Lane.  We’ve come a long way, baby!

1Note to Lex Luthor: If you can’t get your hands on kryptonite, have Lois bake up a batch of her home made muffins.

1Lois teams up with the villainous…Pat Boone?!  Some 40 years later, Pat shows up at the American Music Awards in leather and sporting a dog collar.  Prescient?

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18lqrzilka2lvjpgThis guy carries around jumbo jets without breaking a sweat.  How much weight DID she gain?!

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Super catfight!

1First Pat Boone, now Perry Como.  Throw in Paul Anka and you’ve got the Triumvirate of Evil, 1960’s version.

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“I’m ashamed of my physical deformity so I’ll just wear this lead-lined safe on my head so that people don’t stare.”

1I’m going to guess: actual biological father.

1Easy there, Aquaman.  Keep yer underoos on.  Until it’s your turn.

1Seems a tad overly-elaborate – but I’m sure it all makes perfect sense in the book.

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In this case, the actual story couldn’t possibly do justice to the kinky version we’re all imagining in our heads.

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Sorry, Lois.  You made your deathbed.  Now lie in it.

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Wow.  She is REALLY desperate to get married.

1Following in the proud tradition of Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man.

loislane110Hey, do you mind if I borrow your child for this undercover investigation I’m doing?

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The caped crusader is 75!  Let’s celebrate the big day with some of Batman’s most memorable covers…

1Does that skunk contain a kryptonite bomb?

1The superboys, always comparing the size of their…uh…diamonds.

1You can tell they’ve hit rock bottom by the little hobo sack on sticks they’re carrying.

1While no actual crime has been committed, they’re getting a beating anyway.

1Shocking!  I think the bird is done!  Ha ha!  Seriously though.  Let’s get him to the burn unit.

1Let me guess.  Your driver’s license?

1Doing a fine job of blending in.

1Typical male.

1And by “red” you mean “pink”, right?

1On the one hand, he could kill Robin.  On the other, he’s THIS close to a perfect game.

1Batman’s to do list: 1. Get laid.  2. Capture Joker.

1Yeah, whatever happened to “Batboy”, a.k.a. “lamest superhero ever”?

1Good thing that dog is wearing a mask.  Wouldn’t want to reveal his true identity.

1Pesky drafts!  Presumably, this was before the invention of the bat-clasp.

1It wouldn’t be so tragic if he weren’t so talented.

1I would seriously reconsider placing my trust – to say nothing of my life – in the hands of a trained ape.  But maybe that’s why I’M not a superhero.

1Now why the hell would the Queen make that crazy asumpti – Oh.  Right.

1Batman: Fashion Menace!

1Been there.  Fought that.

1Oh, right.  The snowy white beard.  He’s really old.

1Ah, the pain of unrequited love.

1Have at thee, truculent street lamp!

1Turning him into a baby was bad, but dressing him in those culottes was unforgivable.

1Ho ho!  Those pranking sidekicks!

1Every superhero has their weakness.

1It’s Paul!  Paul’s the dead one!

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