June 5, 2014: What’s the deal with Archie Andrews?
June 5, 2014 by Joseph Mallozzi
Seriously? What the heck is going on here? Last time I read I checked in on the gang from Riverdale, these were the type of shenanigans they were getting into:
And then, somewhere along the line, things took a darker turn for Archie Andrews (or, one could argue, a lighter turn for Frank Castle) and we got this:
Suddenly, our Archie had grown up. Instead of just hanging around Pop Tate’s Pop Shoppe or toying with Betty and Veronica’s emotions, he was suddenly running afoul of crazed, gun-toting vigilantes…
And then, eventually, after 67 years of straddling the fence, Archie finally made up his mind and decided between Betty and Veronica choosing…
The bad girl. So decided – FINALLY – he married Veronica…
Or, wait, maybe it was Betty…
Or both of those stories took place in an alternate universe so he could continue dating both in addition to her -
And her -
And her -
And then cold reality intruded with the passing of longtime high school teacher Miss Grundy -
- who perished from lyme disease after being bitten by a deer tick while out hunting pronghorns at Houston National Forest.
Or wait. Maybe that was a dream. Well, the part about the deer tick. But she DID die (presumably in the same alternate universes where Archie met the Punisher, finally chose Veronica and married both of his high school sweethearts).
And then shit REALLY gets real when Jughead’s dead dog returns from the grave, setting off a zombie apocalypse at Riverdale.
And in the presumed final chapter of the life of Archie Andrews, we can finally look forward to the death of the world’s most indecisive teenager:
Apparently he goes hunting for pronghorns at Sam Houston National Forest…